When Grief Reminds Us Why Photography Matters: A Fresno Wedding Photographer's Perspective

When Creativity Meets Grief

Recently, my mother-in-law passed away after a fight with stage four pancreatic cancer. From the moment she was diagnosed we put everything else aside to focus on her care. I don't regret that choice for one second, but when it ended, I found myself in a strange in-between space, unsure of how to return to the rythym of my own life.

As a wedding photographer, my work usually centers on happy moments. Engagements, weddings, love stories; all occasions for joy. But life doesn’t always feel joyful, does it? Sometimes it feels heavy. And grief can sometimes make creating feel almost impossible. Especially when you're trying to move out of pain and back into joy.

And that I think was my issue. I was trying to move out of grief like it was a bad neighborhood. I thought joy was the only place I could create from. But what I’ve come to realize these past few months is that grief doesn’t have to stifle creativity. If you let it, it can actually shift your perspective.

A picture from our wedding day: My husband with his mom

Grief Sharpens Our Awareness

When it came time to put together my mother in law’s memorial announcement, of course we needed to choose a photo. At first, I scrolled through a dozen or so iPhone shots. But most of them had someone else in the frame so I had to crop and zoom until the image became fuzzy and distorted. Definitely not how I wanted to honor her memory.

Then I remembered that we had professional family photos taken a few years ago. I sifted through them and found a portrait of her, clear, vibrant, and beautiful. When I looked at them I was hit with a mix of emotions. She looked like herself again.

When I sent out the final design of her memorial annoucnement to the family for approval the response was emotional. I couldn't believe the power of a single photograph.

Every Picture Becomes A Gem

Then, as I prepared a slideshow for her memorial, I went searching for more images. Each photo I found carried a memory. Camping trips, back yard BBQ's, weddings through the years, and other special occasions. Proof of time spent together.

Unexpectedly, I started to feel a sense of regret. Without her, suddenly there weren't enough pictures of her. The photos we do have are treasures. But I wish there were more.

That realization has only deepened my conviction that pictures are never “just pictures.” They become part of our life's story. And they’re something to hold onto when the person themselves is no longer here.

A picture from our wedding: My husband and I with each of our parents

Why This Matters As a Wedding Photographer

Joy can be a wonderful place to pull from as a photographer. And a wedding can be about the aesthetic, the Pinterest board “inspo”, and the Instagram worthy shots.

But when the party is over, and life is heavy, you won't search for the pictures of the decadent cake or the table decorations. You'll search for the people you love.

The ones whose laugh you’ll want to hear again, the ones whose smile you’ll want to remember. Years from now, your wedding photos will matter not only because they captured a beautifully curated day, but because they preserved the faces and moments that you’ll never want to forget.

For me, grief has been a reminder: photography is so much more than beauty. It’s memory. Its presence. It’s love, saved in a way that can be carried forward even when so much has been lost.